megay:

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen

(Source: teshima--junta, via unaccompaniedd-minors)

ussmckirk:

Steve Rogers is my fitness role model.

In other words, I too want to be injected with a magical serum that’ll give me the perfect body in mere seconds without my having to do any exercise whatsoever.

(via deadelectron)